All night I have missed them.
Some people tell me that it is a luxury to not have them all the time. That it will be easier to meet someone else without them. But. To me, it is a punishment. I want them. Even when Charlotte is tired and expressing her displeasure at increasingly louder volume. Even when she's screaming that she hates me. I know that it's not true. I know that she loves me. I know that she'll put her arms around me and kiss me and tell me that she's sorry that she yelled and that she loves me.
I miss them.
I miss talking to Hannah about her books and the latest song that she wrote and what she's doing in school.
I'm afraid that no one else will ever mean as much to me as they do. And I want to punch--repeatedly--anyone who says "It's a luxury to not have them all the time." Because I want them. All the time. And to me, the days off aren't a luxury. They're my babies, and I want them.