Sunday, February 25, 2007

41 One Ways to Avoid (re)Writing A Book

1. It's spring in California--at least this week. Time to start weeding
2. Read the papers: the Washington Post, New York Times, International Herald Tribune, LA Time, San Jose Mercury News--whatever you can get your browser on
3. Do the dishes—let them pile up during the day for when you run out of other distractions
4. Laundry—7 loads and Counting! (Handy (?) tip: if you are ever in the regrettable position of having to make a deal with the devil and he asks when he can have your soul, just tell him "when I'm done with the laundry")
5. Pretend to read the books you got for research
6. Renew said books for the second time
7. Open one ordered from Amazon (also research), scan it and decided that you are crazy to think you can write a book on the same topic
8. Call sister to see if you are, indeed, crazy for thinking that you can write a book on the same topic
9. Stretch the conversation out to 45 minutes
10. Call mother-in-law, just to bug her at work
11. Feel guilty about calling someone hard at work just so that you can put off your own project
12. Have another cup of coffee
13. Do the crossword puzzle
14. Do yesterdays crossword puzzle
15. Clean up dog poop
16. Curse husband for not cleaning up dog poop, even though you are using it as an excuse to not write
17. Eat chocolate from daughter’s Valentine’s box
18. Break open a couple of the chocolates—just a bit—to see if you actually want to eat it
19. Start picking up the toys that your daughter was supposed to clean up before school
20. Take the dog for a walk. A long walk
21. Put together a list of the music you really like right now. Include links
22. Start another writing project
23. Sort the recycling
24. Reread the list of 700 hobo names from John Hodgman’s The Areas of My Expertise
25. Wonder why so many people take personally books and articles (and blog entries) that were written in the abstract
26. Begin ultimately vain attempt to find the kitchen counters
27. Watch hummingbird outside window. Marvel that they are so plentiful here
28. Wonder if #27 actually two items
29. Reformat one writing project (not the one you’re supposed to be working on)
30. Search through three notebooks for your notes
31. Decide that now is the right time to consolidate the notebooks
32. Rest your head in your hands, daydreaming about how far into the book you might be had you just remembered to back up the file
33. Snap self out of the daydream and quickly e-mail all current projects to yourself
34. Put George Bush’s photo on the punching bag for inspiration
35. Wonder if just writing that is going to get you a visit from the Secret Service
36. Wonder why they are still called “Secret” Service when everyone knows who—and usually where—they are. “Psst: The glasses kind of give it away"
37. Call sister again and read list of 41 ways to avoid writing
38. Go to the grocery store. Only buy one gallon of milk so you have to go back tomorrow
39. Wonder when George Washington and Abraham Lincoln started selling cars
40. Check to see if Macy’s is having a sale because that hasn’t happened since, wow, yesterday
41. Read the Esquire cover article on Robert Downey, Jr., because, admit it, after all these years you still have a crush on him


Anonymous said...

I still have a crush on Robert Downey Jr. too. He's so cute, but such a bad boy. HOT

Melanie K said...

Yeah, that's why I fell for Thomas the first time: he had long hair, earrings, he smoked, rode a motorcycle . . . cute, funny, smart AND a bad boy ;)