All day today, I've been reminded by my calendar,  by Facebook, by Skype that it's my friend, JT's, birthday. The thing is, JT committed suicide just over a year ago. He was brilliant and talented and had many friends. I was lucky enough to be one of them.

I always laughed at the way we became acquainted (he bought my house in Campbell, CA) and I will always be grateful that I met him.

In a round-about way, he helped me land the job I have now.

He made cheesecake for me when I was sad or lost.

He always knew when to text a hug. 

He loved his kids. He held his friends when they were sad. He always seemed to know when someone needed help, but didn't really mention it when he did. Maybe because so many counted on him.

He was a pretty exemplary human. I wish I'd been a better friend.

I miss the JT I knew.  I miss the JT I can never know. I wish I could hug him or make a (vastly inferior) cheesecake.

Dammit.

Wow -- it's been a while

A lot has happened since we've been apart. I'll add stuff here and there. But it HAS been a while and I'm out of practice.

Anyway. I know you'll be stunned to learn that I've taken up running. Because, well, I don't run, and I don't do mornings. Also, I don't do "good" habits, so this is still a work in progress.

So, on the running thing. I bought a bunch of clothes for running and one pair of running pants had a tag that assured me that they were "Designed by women." That was a lie, clearly. What woman designs running pants that have a cutout in the back, deep enough to show the top of anyone's, er, crack? Unless she was especially fond of the tramp stamp and needed to air it daily?

So there's that.

8 months.

65 resumes.

Interviews with 29 people (that I can remember at the moment).

2-3 hours prep for every interview.

10 hours creating custom writing samples at the request of just one prospective employer--for a short-term contract job (that I landed).

3 "I love you, but there are others who more closely map what we're looking for."

5 "I love you! It's not quite the right fit, but I passed your resume on to someone at X company."

1 "I'm sorry--we were writing an offer but corporate decided to move the position to Dulles, VA."

1 "I want to hire you, but I really think I need someone in Pasadena full-time."

1 offer that I, literally, couldn't afford to take.

Many friends and friends of friends who channeled my resume through their networks.

Lots and lots of freelance writing projects--all sizes.

Scores of notes and calls of encouragement to counter the negativity from the

Few who assumed I just wasn't trying hard enough.

A job offer at last?

Priceless.


My friends and my family? Not enough money or love in the world to say Thank You.

But truly.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Dear, dear Facebook,

Please stop randomly changing my account settings. If I wanted a notification every time someone sneezed, I would have had one of my friends create that as an option. Also, for fun, fix chat and messaging, stop doubling the chat icons, don't arbitrarily change the "share" options when I post from my phone, let me delete stuff from my phone, and please, for the love of god, stop with the Kardashian shoe ads.

Yes, I like shoes. (OK, I love them.) No, I will never buy a shoe that has that name on it. I have marked these ads as offensive, uninteresting and I forget what else. Tacky? Slutty? Anyway. Stop. Please.

Also: I would have posted this on Facebook, but you don't like the long updates. Why is that? Let people have one or two long updates every week or so. Where's the harm? If it pisses off our friends, they can hide us.

Love,

Me

Dammit

All night I have missed them.

Some people tell me that it is a luxury to not have them all the time. That it will be easier to meet someone else without them. But. To me, it is a punishment. I want them. Even when Charlotte is tired and expressing her displeasure at increasingly louder volume. Even when she's screaming that she hates me. I know that it's not true. I know that she loves me. I know that she'll put her arms around me and kiss me and tell me that she's sorry that she yelled and that she loves me.

I miss them.

I miss talking to Hannah about her books and the latest song that she wrote and what she's doing in school.

I'm afraid that no one else will ever mean as much to me as they do. And I want to punch--repeatedly--anyone who says "It's a luxury to not have them all the time." Because I want them. All the time. And to me, the days off aren't a luxury. They're my babies, and I want them.

Am I Old Yet?*

Say you were at Trader Joe's and turned around to find a guy staring open-mouthed at you. And then he smiled. And then he tripped over his own feet. You assume that it's because you just left the salon. Everyone looks awesome then, no? (Well, everyone who leaves Suzy's salon does.) That probably made you feel pretty good. Put a little spring in your step and a sparkle in your eye.

Now say that the next day, while you’re in your car, you see a piece of hair on your face. It might take a bit of the wind out of your sails when you realize that the hair is attached. And black. And sort of thick. Just one, but there it is. A whisker. Yay.

* The correct answer is "no." :)

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

For the last couple of years, there's been way too much of this in my life:



and this:

and this:

and, OK, even a bit of this:



But nowhere near enough of this:




I want more of that. And who wouldn't?


Which is why, every week, I flog the local community in Redwood City to go to Comedy Monday Hosted by Dan St. Paul at the Little Fox/Club Fox Theatre. I can't be the only one who needs a laugh or 20 to get through the week, and I definitely don't want Comedy Night to go away for lack of interest. It's still pretty hit or miss, attendance-wise: some nights there are only a handful of people; other nights you can't find a table.

My friend Andi and I push the social media aspect relentlessly, reminding the host and manager when to post and where to post and how else they can promote the show. They're getting better at it. :)

It's not always going to be 100% funny, but it has never been even close to 100% suck, so if you're in town, please check it out. It's only $10 cover and they do have a bar. Even better, if you're in town, I'm designated driver.*



* Assuming I know you, of course. If not, I'll be happy to call a cab for you :)