Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Shhhh, don't speak

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Thomas and the girls. What they may not know, mostly because I didn't quite realize it myself, is how much I enjoy it when they aren't here. Well, technically, Hannah and Charlotte are here but sleeping. Thomas is away on business. In Las Vegas, poor guy!

A friend called today, knowing that Thomas would be gone. She wanted to come over after the girls went to bed, just to hang out. I, um, freaked. Not out loud, but in my head I was panicking, trying to come up with a good reason to say no. Of course, I could have just said no, but she is a little fragile sometimes. And while I do like to spend time with her, I also wanted time all to myself. Why?

Well, sometimes I actually just want to clean. Really. And sometimes I have a book I want to finish (what used to take a couple of days can now take a couple of weeks or more). And sometimes, right at this moment, for example, I just want to be with my own thoughts, sipping a glass of wine and listening to . . . nothing. No TV. No yelling. No radio. No talking. No laughing. No cute cute baby gurgling. Just the soft hum of the refrigerator, and the occasional whimpering of a dog chasing squirrels in his sleep.

It's the gentle, quiet end of a good day. The toys have been put away. The dishes are done. The trash is out (including at least 10 pounds of random clutter). The girls are sleeping quietly. At times like this, I almost don't want to go to bed, just so I can hang on to the sense of peace. Of course, another reason is that I don't sleep well when Thomas isn't here. But I know that I will wake up with Hannah snuggled up next to me and Argus asleep on the other side of the bed, hoping that I don't notice that he's there.

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