Words Escape Me

I just found this on the website of a company that sells school supplies:

Choose from Isles and Isles of In-Stock Items!
Our Prices the Lowest, our Quality the Highest
and our Stock the Broadest!

The Downside of Speech Therapy

Over the past couple of weeks, Charlotte has experienced an explosive growth in her verbal ability, going from one word and a couple of signs to three word, spoken sentences. We've heard "Thank you, Mommy/Daddy/Haha*," "Help me, please," "Where ball go?," "My book, open," and more. While it may not seem like a big deal, to us it is HUGE. After so long, I will confess it quietly here, I sometimes thought that she would never speak.

And now, sometimes I wish she wouldn't.

At Peet's today, she pointed at another customer, motioned to a chair and said rather loudly, "Girl! Shit! Shit, Girl!"

And to think I was once embarrassed when Hannah kept pointing out the tattoos of random biker chicks.

*"Haha" is Charlotte's new name for Hannah. She had been "Nana" ever since Charlotte started talking but in speech therapy, they use "nana" to get her to "BAnana." Charlotte realized that Hannah was not, in fact, a banana and so would need another name. So Haha it is.

I Went to the Gym Yesterday . . .

Apparently "Pilates" is Greek for "I have muscles where??"

Maybe Attorney General?

John Edwards said today that he would decline a nomination to become the next vice president. He didn't say why, but I wouldn't be surprised if one big reason is that he doesn't much care for the way the candidates have been conducting themselves of late. He's certainly more intelligent and better qualified than a couple of the AGs we've had in the past few years.

Random Question of the Day

Is it odd that a Republican, in the midst of a process in which he must eliminate 19, refer to that process as being "in the embryonic stages"?

Don’t Mess With Jane. Please.

I’ve had a huge girl crush on Jane Austen for many, many years. This crush led me to take a semester-long course on her life and work. The course also included the various necessary-to-make-it count-for-credit types of literary criticism thereof. So imagine my dismay when I recently came across yet another book billed as the sequel to Pride and Prejudice. As ever, my initial reaction was: How dare you?

It’s one thing to make a movie of Pride and Prejudice, or, indeed, any of the novels; the PBS Complete Jane Austen series has sent me running back to the books to marvel at how much of the dialog was lifted directly from those pages—it still sparkles after almost 200 years. But to attempt to co-opt two of the most popular characters in English literary history? How dare you?* So yet again, I’m forced to reject a book by its cover and bet that it will not be remembered 10 years from now, much less 200.


I'm not including in this the "loosely inspired by" works such as Bridget Jones's Diary, and not only because I think I would be drawn and quartered by that work's legions of fans.

Thank You

Thank you to all who emailed to see if I was still here and doing OK. You know what the yawning gaps in posts usually means; I hope you know just how much your concern means to me. But LCM is back, and maybe even with a few Dammits up her sleeve!

Signs of Spring

Hannah and Charlotte are both on spring break this week, which explains both LCM's absence and the not-so-subtle bald patches appearing on my head. Thank goodness their grandparents were here for a few days or I might have pulled out all of my hair by now.

Bonus! I found out today that Hannah has Monday off, too. To quote Lozo in Diggers, "It's not that I don't love the little #$%^ers . . . "

The Delegate Debacle

Yesterday, Hillary Clinton said that "she absolutely would not accept a negotiated apportionment of Florida delegates." [Washington Post] Of course she wouldn't because her "win" would give her another 38 delegates and at this point, both candidates are scrambling for every one they can get.

Her quote:

"In my view there are two options: Honor the results or hold new primary elections."

I'd like to mention a third option:

HONOR THE DECISION OF THE DNC THAT BOTH FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN WOULD BE STRIPPED OF THEIR DELEGATES FOR VIOLATING PARTY RULES. No one gets any of the delegates.

It is inconceivable to me that either state would be allowed to seat their delegates. They were warned of the consequences; all candidates agreed to forgo campaigning in those two states, and Barack Obama wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan. Why? Because he was playing by the rules.

So aside from the shouted option above, the only "fair" way to do this is to split the delegates 50/50 just to shut everyone up. But if the delegates are seated, thus proving that there is no real punishment for a violation of DNC rules, what's to prevent any state from moving their primaries to the September or October the year prior to the the next general election? In that case we'll all have to be doubly grateful that email is easier to get rid of than direct mail.

File Under Arrogance

Hillary Clinton, through Bill (a guy I used to like and hopefully will again), has "graciously" offered Barack Obama the VP slot on the ticket. Obama's perfect response:

"First of all, with all due respect, I've won twice as many states as Sen. Clinton. I've won more of the popular vote than Sen. Clinton. I have more delegates than Sen. Clinton. So, I don't know how somebody who's in second place is offering the vice presidency to somebody who's in first place."

Paging Mrs Baker

After a year or so of fielding calls for for a Terry Barnes, who apparently owed a lot of people a lot of money, I finally gave in and changed our home number. I'm not talking about a few random calls, either. I've taken calls from collectors--lots of those--but also from a few attorneys' offices and once from a detective. He's the one who told me about the large civil suit. He also suggested that I change the phone number. At that point, I didn't think it was too much of a problem and--silly me--that eventually people would stop calling after a few repetitions of "I'm sorry, there's no Terry Barnes here. No, I'm not Mrs Barnes."

But at long last, I decided that enough was really enough, so I made the call.

The process was pretty easy, though I didn't realize that you could actually choose from a series of numbers. And because Robin from AT&T knew why I was changing the number, she searched for a while t0 find the one that had been out of service the longest.

One week after I changed the number, let our families know that we weren't hiding from them, and updated all of our contacts, it began anew.

"Hello? No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. No, there is no Mrs Baker here. Excuse me? (sigh) No, no Mr Baker, either."

The Weekly Dammit, #23

I've been sick for a week or so, but now that the antibiotics, Advil and Sudafed have kicked in, the Weekly Dammit is back! Though I might need to drop the "Weekly."

Dammit #1:
I got sick 10 days ago and finally went to the doctor today. I think this is something that pretty much every mom does. If it were one of the kids, I would have taken them to the doctor in a heartbeat. But I wait ten days to find out that I have an ear and a sinus infection, and as a bonus, that my heart rate issue is probably due to my "deconditioning."

Dammit #2:
In the aftermath of their breakup, conservative writer and former Fox News pundit, Rachel Marsden, released personal emails and "salacious chats" from Wikipedia founder, Jimmy Wales. She's also using eBay to sell what she says are clothes he left at her home.

In my favorite part of the San Jose Mercury News article, she says "My only focus right now, to be really honest, is on my career and finding a way to get back into print, TV or radio here in NYC. All of this other personal stuff is just an unfortunate distraction."

I'm guessing that she's still in Fox News mode and that what she really meant was that the "personal stuff" she tossed out there was a fabulous way to get her name back on radar.

Dammit #3:
Hillary Clinton and her campaign want to get delegates from Michigan and Florida seated at the national convention in Denver this summer. This in spite of the fact that all candidates agreed, long before the primary season began, to abide by the decision of the DNC: because both Michigan and Florida moved their primaries up to January, they would be stripped of their delegates. Whether you call it moving the goalposts or switching horses midstream, it's cheating and poor sportsmanship. And yes, I would say that if we were talking about Barack Obama's campaign.

Dammit #4:
When a telemarketer or other unknown number appears on my sister's caller ID, her kids fight to be the first to answer the phone with "Thank god you called! The pigs are out!" before hanging up. Why didn't I think of that?!

Doctors' Comments On Patient Charts

Happy Monday!

• "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

• "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

• "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."

• "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

• "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."

• "The patient refused an autopsy."

• "The patient has no past history of suicides."

• "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

• "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

• "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

• "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

• "She is numb from her toes down."

• "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

• "The skin was moist and dry."

• "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

• "Patient was alert and unresponsive."

• "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

• "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."

• "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."

• "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

• "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."

• "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."

• "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."

• "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

• "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

• "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."

• "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."

• "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

Random Question of the Week

Being a parent means making a few sacrifices, some more painful than others. That's why "they" always say "You know you're a parent when . . ."

You know you're a parent when you give up the last week of Chocolate Month at Copia in Napa Valley for a birthday party at Chucky Cheese. If it's not done willingly does that make you less of a parent, even if there was only the slightest chance you'd be able to go to Copia anyway?

Just for fun, a bonus question! Chucky Cheese is the promised land for kids, the place where a kid can be a kid. So why are the bathrooms sized for adults? No short sinks, no small potties, and the bathroom doors are heavy enough that some adults have trouble opening them.


Well, this is titled "Random!"

More Hannah-isms

(After Charlotte's birthday party)
Mommy, what was the name of that man that was here?

Me:
Do you mean Ayla's Daddy?

Hannah:
Yes! I really, really like him! He is the best Daddy ever . . . " (sees Thomas) "Oh! except you Daddy. YOU'RE the smartest, strongest Dad ever!"

Nice save, Hannah.

* * * *

Hannah:
"I just shaved my nuts!"

Me:
"Er, um? What? You just did what?

Hannah:
"I scraped the chocolate off the peanuts!"

* * * *

I think I'm going to be an actress. I don't think it's very hard to do. I'll just work on my skills, you know, my singing and dancing and then I can be an actress when I'm six. I'll still be pretty young then, right Mom?

A Rose by Any Other Name

Since I'm bipolar (ii) and a Gemini, is it OK that I find Valentines Day to be simultaneously sweet and annoying? I know I can't be the only one who finds it odd that we're supposed to have a one day, nationwide love-in. Wouldn't it be better if we tried to stretch that out a little, say over the entire year?

But then, I do like giving presents and, ok, if we're being honest, I like getting them, too. But all of the anxiety-inducing marketing hype makes it seem as though your relationship is doomed if you don't find THE gift. And then there are the flowers and the chocolate and the food. (Chocolate is of course welcome at anytime of the year, though I am a bit snooty about brand and quality.) But let's stick with the flowers for now.

Bloom in New York is offering some stunning floral arrangements--to the tune of 275$ for 20-25 flowers. The Flower Shop in San Francisco has a somewhat uninspired looking arrangement with a dozen long stem roses for a mere 85$. Red of course. But an article published in Ireland's Independent shows that the madness isn't just in the U.S.: There the price for a dozen roses has doubled, to about 100€, which translates to about 150$US.

Rose and Radish in San Francisco offers a much more romantic option: Flower Subscriptions. My favorite is the Spontaneous Flower Subscription. It'll still set you back, but they'll send stunning arrangements at random intervals--no pressure to have them on THE DAY. Better still? When the flowers (Gerbera daisies) or chocolate (a West Coast version of Gearhart's) or CDs or books are brought home on random occasions. And it's not a one-way street so every once in a while I'll bring Thomas a nice chocolate stout.

And just one last fun note: The jeweler where we got my engagement ring had this bumper sticker on the inside of the vault door: "If she's not going to live forever, why give her a diamond?"

Addition to the Blog Roll

I've just added a site called DIY Father to my blog roll. I found them because one of the founders found me. They have a lot of great info on raising kids (in New Zealand, but I think it translates!), all from the father's perspective. It's nice to see it from that angle and to see, too, how so much of what we tend to think of as "mothering" truly is the more universal "parenting."

So, go. Visit. Show them some love! Feel free to tell them I sent you, since I know that my readers are the kindest, most polite people in existence. Yes, all nine of you.

Music to His Ears

Singer will.i.am on why he turned Barack Obama's speech Yes, We Can into song:

i was captivated...

Inspired...

I reflected on my life...
and the blessings I have...
and the people who fought for me to have these rights and blessings...

and I'm not talking about a "black thing"
I'm talking about a "human thing" me as a "person"
an American...

That speech made me think of Martin Luther King...
Kennedy...
and Lincoln...
and all the others that have fought for what we have today...

what America is "supposed" to be...

freedom...
equality...
and truth...

and thats not what we have today...
we think we are free...
but in reality terror and fear controls our decisions...

this is not the America that our pioneers and leaders fought and
died for...

Here's the video:

Edwards Kingmaker?

A couple of posts over at MOMocrats reminded me of something I'd made a mental note of and then brushed aside. On January 30, John Edwards said that he was "suspending" his campaign and that he was "stepping aside." Not that he was "ending" his campaign or that he was "bowing out." He's an attorney and, by all accounts, a brilliant one. The word choice couldn't have been arbitrary.

A lot of people still voted for him yesterday, and there are a lot of absentee ballots yet to be counted. I know the math doesn't work for him to get the nomination, but in a race this tight he could end up as kingmaker.

Ah, I Love the Smell of a Primary in the Morning

I will freely admit that I am addicted to national politics. I try but can't get away from it--not that anyone has been able to for the past few months. How bad is it? Let's just say that election season is the only time I don't mind as much the random phone calls from those eager to sell their product, aka: candidate. Sick, no?

Thus far, with the exception of a letter writing event for Mark Warner's run for governor of Virginia, I've managed to confine my enthusiasm to a small anti-W bumper sticker, minor rants to (at) friends and family, and the occasional letter to the editor. Because I'm not as lucid in person as I sometimes am on paper, and tend to be a bit, ok a lot, anxious when speaking to people I don't know, I've only watched the game from afar. But this year has been electric--even people who don't normally care at all have found themselves glued to their TVs to watch the debates and even signing up to volunteer with campaigns.

Although this particular campaign seems to have been going on since W's last inauguration, it took me a long time to decide on a candidate. I have enormous respect for Hillary Clinton's intellect and work ethic. I don't, however, like the fact that she is the one thing that can reunite the disparate wings of the Republican Party. Nor do I like the feeling that she and her supporters would throw under the bus anyone and anything who tried to get in her way. We've had way too much of that over the past couple of decades. I like Barack Obama, but feared that he needed more experience and more substance. John Edwards, for reasons mentioned before, was my favorite, even though he'd already tried and failed. But with him gone, and my absentee ballot blessedly missing, what to do?

I woke up this morning feeling like I was spending a first date at Christmas on a roller coaster.
Up until I actually filled in the ballot, I wavered between Clinton and Obama. But in the end I chose Obama's because he is such a wonderful blast of fresh air that it seems possible to blow away the cobwebs of the Bush II nightmare, scrub off the grime and find a new day. Of course it didn't hurt that he has some great ideas, too.